Emeh, please , I want you to have my baby.Would take care of you,set you up.You would even go abroad to give birth, blog from there.Infact, you wouldn’t have to work if you don’t want to..
What? Is this some kind of joke? I retorted
No! It’s no joke. I really want you to give me a baby .Please, tell me what you want to make that possible..Anything you want..
But your wife just welcomed a baby last month? You flew out of the country to be with her, posting all her photos on the net,so how can you want another baby from me again?I asked..
Well, you are a part of me..I really can’t stop loving you and I want you to be with me..
“I smiled…This was the man of my dreams,young, handsome,well to do, from a good family and I used to love him…Let me take that back! I was madly inlove with him..
In another world,I would have his baby,babies.We would live happily ever after.
YESSSSSSSSSS… that would have been my reaction 4 years ago.It’s 2015 and I have zero tolerance for bullshit.
I met him when I just got into Lagos in 2009.He was everything your mama warned you against.He was handsome, rude, reckless but passionate..
I was warned never to get close to him.The first time ladies at the professional film school I was attending at the time ,saw him chasing after me,they told me ..
EMEH..RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN..THIS GUY WOULD SO DUMP YOU, YOU WON’T RECOVER…..
Well, I was going to heed to their advice anyway.I was more attracted to older men,atleast men in their 30’s,not a boy in his 20’s..Blame it on my long first relationship with a man over 10 years my senior .
Well, I had been used to being worshiped(Wink),I had been used to meeting men obsessed with me , but there was something about this boy..His first statement to me was….
“Tomorrow is Sallah, do you wanna come to my house , we could smoke and have some drinks,basically hangout?”
Not that I engaged in any of those vices,however, I was taken aback by his brazenness but being one who was adventurous, my interest was piqued .
After following me and trying to get my number for over 30 minutes, I gave him and he promised to call the next day.
The next day, he called me as early as 6am,requesting he wanted to bring me breakfast.No man had done that before..It was all about Lunch ,dinner..*I’m carried away by the simplest gestures*..
As I made to protest, he told me he was already at my school gate to take me to buy stuff for breakfast..I hesitantly got up and we took a walk to a renowned supermarket .He just kept buying stuff, telling me to pick what I wanted.I declined.He used his prerogative .
That was the beginning of our relationship.A love which was the envy of many.
It was everything you read about in mills and booms.It was a total fantasy and unreal relationship.From the day I step foot in his house, he wouldn’t let me go..It took great effort
to let me go to school, it was passionate as was deadly..
Many waited ,gave it three days..He didn’t see women twice.But I was there,he deleted all numbers from his phone,called ladies he knew and told them to keep off, gave me his phone to answer calls.He was done with playing..We made so many promises and one of such was, even if by a miracle, we didn’t end up together..I would always be that one woman he would still see if married.We were going to end up together anyway .
But we had one problem, his mum returned from a trip abroad and our relationship began to suffer.She wasn’t too fond of me.Couldn’t blame her..I would feel the same way if my son won’t do a thing without his so called girlfriend being at home with him.So, she was forced to accept me to keep him at home..
The problem with us is, we had never been apart for a day.It was December and I had to travel to see my dad and sisters in Jos..He didn’t want that ..His mum had to intervene and told him to let me go fo holidays..
His sister had a wedding on the second of January and he made me promise I wouldn’t miss it.It was his only opportunity to introduce the whole family to me..
So, when I got to Jos, I told him I would not make it back for the wedding because I had to be with my family since I spent Christmas with him..Then the problems started..If you are not here it is over.Bla bla bla..
I stood my ground and doubts began to appear..It was then I realized he had always forced his opinion on me.We argued on everything .Yes, he was very learned , well read and probably the most intelligent man I had been with till that moment ,however, he wanted me to do what he wanted, act how he wanted. He insisted I go practice law despite my opinion to the contrary.
My wife can not be in the entertainment industry.Better get yourself together, I’ll talk to my lawyer sister so you can serve in her chambers.He insisted
We would argue about religion and even though he was Muslim , he would claim to know more about Christianity than me ”
Always made me feel less intelligent than I actually was .So being away from him for a week began to take it’s toll.
After coercion, I had to leave Jos for Lagos on the day of the wedding .I got to Lagos and rushed to the venue as he kept calling me incessantly..
On getting to the wedding, I felt so out of place but he was so excited to see me and our passionate love was back.He wouldn’t stay away for a minute .He made me sit with his family and they were subtly shocked.He didn’t care..
So, my course had come to an end.It was time to face the real world.To go do an internship and I had to move from his vicinity to Ikeja..
Well, lets just say the distance put a strain on our relationship.He didn’t just trust me, I didn’t trust him because we were not together as we usually were..
So ,I decided it was best to end the relationship.During one of his visits to my home then, I told him.He begged me not to do that.He said if he left, he would never return. Â As much as I wanted to break free from this toxic relationship.I didn’t believe he could live without me..After begging for a while, I opened the door and asked him to leave and he said…
Emeh, don’t do this..Don’t bring out that monster in me.You know who I was before we met. Don’t make me go there again”
I was too broken to care.I needed to be sane again..I let him walk.He walked and we never met again..
It took me two years to get over him.I was devastated.I couldn’t be with anyone else.I would fantasize he would walk through the door.But he never did and too stubborn to bow own, i put on a brave face,buried my self in the pain and vowed to be a success story..He never believed I would succeed if I wasn’t a lawyer..
So, Last year, he got married and his wife gave birth this year..
Emeh, listen ,let me change your miserable life.You need me in it.Stop deceiving yourself.
I smiled. He had never changed..Always trying to put me down..Make me feel less important and feel no one could ever love me except him.That was his trick with me..As much as he loved, he was emotionally abusive.
Years ago, that was all I needed to hear..It worked for us..His being abusive,and all..This time, I’m a changed woman.I know what I want..And as much as I would like to indulge in care-free,fantasy ..and keep to that promise of sticking together even if we didn’t end up with eachother, I know one thing..I’m not ready to be a BABY MAMA!
Blogger’s Diary-My are true life experiences..Missed the last one, read My Encounter With The Cunning Rich Woman
Emeh Achanga,the CEO of the Miss Petite Nigeria Brand is a lawyer turned blogger. She is very passionate about writing, with several publications and awards to her credit .She is currently working on publishing a collection of short stories which are basically a memoir about her exciting true experiences.
Interesting read. I’m in a similar situation but he isn’t married yet.Don’t know what to do